Wow! You’ve set this up really well. It’s so intense and well written! I really like the details that you’ve got going in your introduction. It’s like I can almost see the scene set up before me, with Sigurd staring off into the Atlantic and Grani under his control. It’s great that you not only describe the scene from a physical standpoint, but also from an emotional one. You give the reader insight into what Sigurd really wants from the adventure; instead of leaving the reader to guess what his motive is (it could have been fortune, I suppose), you show that he wants to immortalize himself. I also really like how you incorporated what’s to become of Sigurd to some extent without forcing it into your writing or giving too much away. I’m particularly intrigued by Fafnir, the man who can shapeshift into a dragon, since it’s such an interesting idea to play with. I also think that it’s interesting that Fafnir is the brother of a crewmember of Sigurd’s; I wonder if his emotional tie to his brother (if he has a strong one) will be important to the story. As for the images on both your coverpage and the introduction, they fit well. I especially like the picture of Sigurd pointing on your introduction; it almost seems like you can see that Sigurd wants adventure far away. Anyways, I’ll be sure to check out your Storybook next week! If your first story is anything like your introduction, it’s sure to be awesome!
By the way, you gave me a pointer for my introduction (thanks for that), so I’ll give you a pointer for yours. You might want to make the font a little bigger; it’s kind of hard to read unless you use the reader button on Safari.
I changed the font and size to make it a bit more visible. Thanks for the tip, Shmi! I'm glad that the concept of Fafnir the shapeshifting dragon and his relationship with Regin intrigues you, but unfortunately I won't be able to focus on those aspects too much. If I had room to, I would re-tell the story of the dwarf king Hreidmar, his three sons Regin, Otter, and Fafnir, and the curse of Andvari. It's actually a really important background story that explains the reason behind the treasure's curse and the bad blood between Regin and Fafnir, but I had no choice but to exclude it since I wanted to focus exclusively on the exploits of Sigurd. I'd recommend looking at Chapter XIV of the Volsung Saga at Guttenberg if you want to find out more about the history of Fafnir and Regin.
Hello Kyle, I would just like to say thank you for your comment on my storybook. I put a lot of time into my storybook each week and hope that it turns out right. So your positive comments show me that I am doing a good job.
Kyle, your introduction does an incredible job of giving life to your protagonist, Sigurd. Here's one of my favorite lines:
"His crew is small, for Grani is an extension of Sigurd's will and needs no hands to control it. At a mere thought of Sigurd, the ship's oars move of their own and the sails fill with wind."
What a way to describe a character who seems destined to travel! After reading this, I get the feeling that Sigurd would die if he ever stopped moving. Since your writing's so good, I'm glad you choose images that do not distract the reader.
On that note, I will say that I do like the black-and-white color scheme. It makes the stories seem older, for some reason. That's at least what I think.
In regard to your first story, one of my favorite phrases is how you describe that Sigurd's lungs "burn for oxygen." I love the paradox it evokes since Sigurd is trying to keep from freezing to death. I loved the ending, too, because of the suspense I feel from reading about Regin's cruel smile. It makes me wonder what his motives are as Sigurd's mentor. I'll be interested to see what happens next!
Wow Kyle this is such great writing! After reading your introduction and story for your storybook, I decided to go to your Introduction blog for this class to see if I could find out what your major was, and sure enough it was English! No wonder I thought your writing was so great! First, I think the color and layout of your storybook goes great with the theme you have set up to tell Sigurd's story. I really like the picture you added on your cover page, and I also like that you have a banner picture on the bottom. I'm not really sure how you did that. I'm not very technologically savvy, but it looks great and adds character to your cover page. Second, your introduction gives a great description of your main character, but allows for some mystery which is great because you had me anxious to read the first story! Third, the first story of your storybook was awesome! You really do have a way with using detail and imagery to make me feel like I am actually there in the story. I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook and the adventures of Sigurd. Great job and keep up the good work Kyle!
Are you one of those people who can do anything exceedingly well? Your website design and your writing are both so perfect! I can name off some famous authors who don't write nearly as well as you do. It's such a pleasure to read your story. I love the theme, too. Scandinavian stuff (stories, language, art, etc.) is a close favorite of mine (after Celtic).
I'll talk about the design for a bit now. As you already know, I think it's excellent. The images you chose are perfect for the theme. The three at the bottom that are on every page are my favorite. Such a nice way to end each part. Although I just noticed it looks like you have a gif whose background didn't quite come out transparent. I'm talking about the one in the middle with the checkered background. Or maybe you did that on purpose since it looks kind of cool. hehe
I love the line at the end of your introduction. It almost rhymes! For whatever reason my brain latched on to that line and begged for more. And it was very pleased with the first story! There are no typos or awkward sentences from what I can see. The only thing that popped out goes back to design. The font in your first story goes from a large size to small. It threw me off a bit. Other than that, I'd totally read this book. I'll have to come back and read more!
Good eye with the the middle image on the banner, Lily! The reason that picture didn't come out transparent is because it was pasted into paint (I believe as a screenshot) first. The banner as a whole is a product of me splicing out the pictures of Sigurd and Fafnir's respective heads from a piece of artwork I found and then pasting them on each side of that central image. I could fix it to where it shows up transparent, but then I think it might clash with the primarily black and white color scheme of the side images, so I think I'll keep it as is unless people have other opinions.
Hi Kyle! I wanted to thank you for responding to so many of my storytelling posts. You've definitely read more than anyone else, and your comments are always very helpful for future writings.
Hi, Kyle! I just noticed your response to my comment here. I agree that it might be a little too clash-tastic to make it transparent. It kind of flows nicely that way, really! I think I only noticed it because I like to stare at things like that for far too long.
Also, I wanted to thank you for the comment you left on my introduction! I'm so happy to hear that you know a bit about the Irish language. The storybook comment you left for me is also highly appreciated! I usually get so nervous when people look into things I've done that much, but your comment made me feel much less embarrassed about it. So thanks and have a great semester!
First of all, thanks for leaving your comment on my blog! I’m glad the Sindbad drawing fit with your mental image of him; since I couldn’t find any pictures on the internet that I felt suited the story, I decided to create one instead. I’m also glad that you found the details the therapist gives for Sindbad appropriate. I wasn’t sure if I had gone a little too wordy – it tends to happen in my writing. And I’m grateful for your critique as well! I hope the infinity symbol is less jarring.
Kyle, I knew you'd have to be one of the first people I would need to thank. It's so nice to have the perspective of someone who values writing just as much if not more than I do. I consider it as if I had a partner in writing! Thank you so much!
Your voice when you write is amazing. It really shines through. I read your introduction for your storybook and was immediatly intriguied, The language you use is remarkable and it flows so well. One of my favorite sentences you have is "the tapestry that will form his life will be woven in threads of friendship, betrayal, and love." The metaphor is amazing and I loved the way you wrote it instead of just saying he experienced love and betrayal. You also do a great job in your introduction of foreshadowing to some of the adventures to come in your following stories.
The first sentence of your story The Greedy Wyrm sets the scene perfectly. The sapphire waters, the mist-veiled land, frost-kissed shingle... I felt as if I could really imagine this land you created and that I was really there. It starts the story off perfectly because you really get the reader to be a part of Sigurd's journey. You did a great job of breaking up the dialect and allowing it to flow easily. There were some paragraphs that I believe could be combined, as I felt that many times there was a short description that could be combined with the next line. But, that is more of a style thing and up to you, but I thought I would give my opinion of what I noticed as I was reading. The imagery dominates the story and makes it great. I can't wait to see how the adventure for Sigurd continues.
First off, I really like the look and the overall aesthetics of your storybook. I think the colors and design go really well with your theme and your use of images is great as well!
Your introduction was really great. Your use of imagery and details were awesome. I'm not sure what it was about your word choices, but it sucked me in right away and not many stories do that. I think you chose an awesome topic and your introduction definitely kept me reading.
The first story was also awesome. I can't get over how much imagery and detail go into your stories. Again, I am just sucked in by your word choices, which makes your writing really interesting to me. This was a really gory story but I liked that you changed the location to fit more into your overall story.
Your second story was also really great (I just can't rave about your writing enough!). I liked that this story was a mixture of two different plot lines. I'm always scared to stray from the original stories too much so I'm glad that you just change what you want to make the story as great as it can be.
Your picture on the home page of the storybook is awesome. It makes me think that this will be a fun and adventurous storybook. However, the colors of the website do not go along with that theme. I know that black and white might be classic or old, but when you think of sea voyages, you think of the different colors of the sunsets on the sea and the shades of green and blue of the water and the bright colors of treasures.
The introduction is very well written and very detailed. I forgot that it was the intro and just expected the story to start. I am guessing that you will stick with the gray everything throughout the site since these pictures also have no color. I understand wanting to make your writing be the thing that is most descriptive, but it just looks like you did not spend any time on your website design or the pictures that you put on it.
Your writing is great, and I think you did a good job of changing up the story to fit in your setting. The author's note was very helpful, and it was cool that you mentioned Tolkien and even gave a link for more information about your source material and how it inspired the Lord of the Rings.
The second story is also very well written. I can't help but picture bugs bunny in a bronze helmet from that opera episode of the looney tunes though. But don't worry, that just makes me like the story even more. The description of Brynhild is great, and it fits how I pictured her when I looked at some of the original stories. The adventure in this one is toned down a bit, even with a a beheading, but I think the tone is appropriate for our main character meeting a woman at the end. Great job overall.
I actually put quite a bit of work into the website design. I played with the design options to make the menu sit differently, added a banner that I spliced together myself, and picked pictures with transparent backgrounds so that they blended smoothly with the background color, a task which takes more time since there aren't a whole lot of pictures with transparent backgrounds that also mesh with the story content. I understand if you don't like the color scheme though. I think it gives the story a... um Norsey feel? When I think of northern locations like Greenland, I think of grey skies and fog hovering over freezing waters, so that's why I thought that grey fit.
Wow, Kyle! Your storybook is incredible. The layout, design and pictures all fit well into your overall theme and storybook. I really like the banner at the bottom too! It works well with your layout choice and I think you did a great job with the colors and style to fit your stories. I must say your stories are extremely well written. There is so much great detail and description, you really create a clear picture of what is going on in each story.
I really enjoyed reading your second story, "The Greedy Wyrm." It was entertaining and fun to read. You had great imagery about everything that happened and I liked getting to read your author's note, because as I read I wondered if The Hobbit was influenced by these stories. Your black pictures really add to the story, they give this darker more mysterious feel to the story. I like how you really described the characters and how they were feeling, it engages the reader and leaves them curious as to what will happen next.
Overall, I think you did an excellent job with your stories and layout choice. You really know how to create and set up a story that is detailed and interesting. I think you have a talent for writing stories and I look forward to seeing what you do next!
I really liked checking out your storybook this week! I can tell that you put a lot of work into your storybook design, layout and story content. You have a really great narrative voice in your stories! It was very easy to follow along in your stories and I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading them.
Your coverage is great! I really liked the bottom banner you added to your coverpage. It gave a really great feel to your storybook overall and I am glad you included it. Also, the picture you included of the man slaying the dragon, or monster, looks super awesome. Great image selection!
You have some really great imagery going on with your stories!
This time, I focused on your second story "The Isle of Fire," and I'm pleased to see how well you continue your description of action in your narratives. I like how you have used the messengers to reveal the truth of Regin's intentions to kill Sigurd. Plus, their timing is impeccable. Not to mention, your use of grammar is finessed. Since your style employs longer sentences with comma use, it would be easier to fall victim to misplaced modifiers. However, you do a great job at avoiding that.
Here are some of my minute suggestions:
You mention how the ship is able to sail through the fires that surround Hindfell. You might want to give a reason why Sigurd succeeds in that endeavor. Of course, it might be an assumption that is imbedded within the story.
I might have noticed a small typographical error, but I wanted to check with you to make sure. At the moment of Regin's death, you write, "Huginn and Muninn cackled as they watched Regin's head and corpse tumble to Grani's neck."
Did you mean to say "Grani's deck"? I just wanted to check to make sure.
Other than that, I would say that you should continue to do what you're doing. I'm eager to read what happens next when I get a look at your Storybook next week.
Thanks for the feedback, Jake! Yeah, I meant deck, not neck. Not sure how I missed that. Concerning your other point, I originally wrote a longer version of that whole scene with Grani sailing through the wall of fire, but I didn't include it because of word count limitations. Honestly if it weren't for the threat of going over the 1000 word limit, these stories would contain several more scenes that I feel would help flesh some things out better. In any case, the reason Sigurd is able to pass through the flames is because of his courage. Grani is essentially psychically connected to Sigurd, and will only operate in accordance with his desires and feelings. If he didn't have the courageous heart to plunge into the flames, then Grani would not have sailed into them as it did. At the same time, because Grani is a God-blessed ship, it is able to avoid being physically harmed by the flames. This is pretty much in accordance with the way the source material tells it. In the original tale, Sigurd succeeds in reaching Brynhild because he is brave enough to spur Grani into the fire, and because Grani, being an awesome horse that is of the line of Odin's own steed Sleipnir, obediently rides through the fire.
While I totally understand wanting to paint a picture for your readers from the beginning, your first sentence is crazy long! lol. I would consider breaking that up into several sentences.
I thought you did a good job of balancing description and background information in your introduction.
I liked how your introduction switches from talking about Sigurd's present circumstances to his future. But I was a little concerned about who is narrating. Because if Sigurd doesn't yet know the adventures that await him, then who does know?
I also liked how Sigurd is so optimistic and wise. His knowledge of his purpose and desire to be remembered as a great man is very easy to relate to. The way you worded the message from his uncle and the part about an individual's choices gives them a mythical feel.
In your first story, I thought you did a fantastic job of describing the wrym. It could have been a challenge to accurately describe a creature most of us are not familiar with, but you gave all of the necessary imagery.
I thought Regin could have used some description though. I know he only played a small role in the beginning of this story, but it would still be good to tell us what he looks like.
Who is narrating in the introduction is a really great question actually, Alissa. There's only so many people in Norse mythology who concern themselves with the futures of mortals after all. I'll say this: the line about the threads and tapestry hints a bit at the nature of the narrator in the introduction.
The coverpage looks nice, even though the site set up was different from all of the others I’ve seen. It confused me for a little bit, but I figured it out and it looks great. The colors are really well done, and the pictures are nice. I love the layout you’ve got going, with the sketched out pictures in black and white shoved in between text. It all looks really nice. I’ve never heard of this guy before, but you did a wonderful job explaining who he is and why he’s out sailing. The intro is getting me really excited for this, so I think your job is done. Your story writing is incredible. I love the tiny details you add in, things like “like a hauberk of blackened steel” that just add to the setting of it all. Any time you go for descriptions and little trivia that is true to the time and culture of your characters it just adds a depth and richness to the story. The action is well written, the dialog great, and your insights into character and motivation are wonderful. The pictures you chose are also lovely and just add to the whole aesthetic. Every now and then you have an extra word thrown in, but overall the stories are great. Can’t wait to see what the finished project looks like!
Hello again, I’ve got slightly more sleep under my belt this time so hopefully I won’t ramble on quite as bad, ha ha. I was really excited to revisit your storybook this time since I didn’t have the spare time to read on last time. Little sad it hasn’t been finished yet, but I guess that means I’ll just have to check back later. I read through the last two stories you have, and I absolutely love them. The second story is wonderfully paced. It’s a great shift from your first to the third story and connects the both of them beautifully. It also adds in more of Sigurd’s adventures that don’t revolve around Brynhild, which is nice since I assume the last one is going to involve her. Add more flavor to the tale. The third story is just beautifully done. I really love that it’s from Brynhild’s point of view, and the quick overview does everything you were going for. It also makes Sigurd’s betrayal that much more potent, because you don’t see it coming. We’re right with Brynhild as she finds out that Sigurd has married someone else. As I’m assuming the last story will be a lover’s revenge kind of thing, telling the third story from her point of view also helps to show just why she freaks out even though they only met once two years ago. It gives credit to the story and where it’s going - great job.
Kyle, Thanks for your comment regarding my Storybook. I'm glad you enjoyed my addition of the Hare to the story about the Wolf. Thank you for the encouragement.
Wow! You’ve set this up really well. It’s so intense and well written! I really like the details that you’ve got going in your introduction. It’s like I can almost see the scene set up before me, with Sigurd staring off into the Atlantic and Grani under his control. It’s great that you not only describe the scene from a physical standpoint, but also from an emotional one. You give the reader insight into what Sigurd really wants from the adventure; instead of leaving the reader to guess what his motive is (it could have been fortune, I suppose), you show that he wants to immortalize himself. I also really like how you incorporated what’s to become of Sigurd to some extent without forcing it into your writing or giving too much away. I’m particularly intrigued by Fafnir, the man who can shapeshift into a dragon, since it’s such an interesting idea to play with. I also think that it’s interesting that Fafnir is the brother of a crewmember of Sigurd’s; I wonder if his emotional tie to his brother (if he has a strong one) will be important to the story. As for the images on both your coverpage and the introduction, they fit well. I especially like the picture of Sigurd pointing on your introduction; it almost seems like you can see that Sigurd wants adventure far away. Anyways, I’ll be sure to check out your Storybook next week! If your first story is anything like your introduction, it’s sure to be awesome!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, you gave me a pointer for my introduction (thanks for that), so I’ll give you a pointer for yours. You might want to make the font a little bigger; it’s kind of hard to read unless you use the reader button on Safari.
I changed the font and size to make it a bit more visible. Thanks for the tip, Shmi! I'm glad that the concept of Fafnir the shapeshifting dragon and his relationship with Regin intrigues you, but unfortunately I won't be able to focus on those aspects too much. If I had room to, I would re-tell the story of the dwarf king Hreidmar, his three sons Regin, Otter, and Fafnir, and the curse of Andvari. It's actually a really important background story that explains the reason behind the treasure's curse and the bad blood between Regin and Fafnir, but I had no choice but to exclude it since I wanted to focus exclusively on the exploits of Sigurd. I'd recommend looking at Chapter XIV of the Volsung Saga at Guttenberg if you want to find out more about the history of Fafnir and Regin.
ReplyDeleteHello Kyle, I would just like to say thank you for your comment on my storybook. I put a lot of time into my storybook each week and hope that it turns out right. So your positive comments show me that I am doing a good job.
ReplyDeleteKyle, your introduction does an incredible job of giving life to your protagonist, Sigurd. Here's one of my favorite lines:
ReplyDelete"His crew is small, for Grani is an extension of Sigurd's will and needs no hands to control it. At a mere thought of Sigurd, the ship's oars move of their own and the sails fill with wind."
What a way to describe a character who seems destined to travel! After reading this, I get the feeling that Sigurd would die if he ever stopped moving. Since your writing's so good, I'm glad you choose images that do not distract the reader.
On that note, I will say that I do like the black-and-white color scheme. It makes the stories seem older, for some reason. That's at least what I think.
In regard to your first story, one of my favorite phrases is how you describe that Sigurd's lungs "burn for oxygen." I love the paradox it evokes since Sigurd is trying to keep from freezing to death. I loved the ending, too, because of the suspense I feel from reading about Regin's cruel smile. It makes me wonder what his motives are as Sigurd's mentor. I'll be interested to see what happens next!
Wow Kyle this is such great writing! After reading your introduction and story for your storybook, I decided to go to your Introduction blog for this class to see if I could find out what your major was, and sure enough it was English! No wonder I thought your writing was so great! First, I think the color and layout of your storybook goes great with the theme you have set up to tell Sigurd's story. I really like the picture you added on your cover page, and I also like that you have a banner picture on the bottom. I'm not really sure how you did that. I'm not very technologically savvy, but it looks great and adds character to your cover page. Second, your introduction gives a great description of your main character, but allows for some mystery which is great because you had me anxious to read the first story! Third, the first story of your storybook was awesome! You really do have a way with using detail and imagery to make me feel like I am actually there in the story. I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook and the adventures of Sigurd. Great job and keep up the good work Kyle!
ReplyDeleteHi, Kyle!
ReplyDeleteAre you one of those people who can do anything exceedingly well? Your website design and your writing are both so perfect! I can name off some famous authors who don't write nearly as well as you do. It's such a pleasure to read your story. I love the theme, too. Scandinavian stuff (stories, language, art, etc.) is a close favorite of mine (after Celtic).
I'll talk about the design for a bit now. As you already know, I think it's excellent. The images you chose are perfect for the theme. The three at the bottom that are on every page are my favorite. Such a nice way to end each part. Although I just noticed it looks like you have a gif whose background didn't quite come out transparent. I'm talking about the one in the middle with the checkered background. Or maybe you did that on purpose since it looks kind of cool. hehe
I love the line at the end of your introduction. It almost rhymes! For whatever reason my brain latched on to that line and begged for more. And it was very pleased with the first story! There are no typos or awkward sentences from what I can see. The only thing that popped out goes back to design. The font in your first story goes from a large size to small. It threw me off a bit. Other than that, I'd totally read this book. I'll have to come back and read more!
Good eye with the the middle image on the banner, Lily! The reason that picture didn't come out transparent is because it was pasted into paint (I believe as a screenshot) first. The banner as a whole is a product of me splicing out the pictures of Sigurd and Fafnir's respective heads from a piece of artwork I found and then pasting them on each side of that central image. I could fix it to where it shows up transparent, but then I think it might clash with the primarily black and white color scheme of the side images, so I think I'll keep it as is unless people have other opinions.
ReplyDeleteHi Kyle! I wanted to thank you for responding to so many of my storytelling posts. You've definitely read more than anyone else, and your comments are always very helpful for future writings.
ReplyDeleteHi, Kyle! I just noticed your response to my comment here. I agree that it might be a little too clash-tastic to make it transparent. It kind of flows nicely that way, really! I think I only noticed it because I like to stare at things like that for far too long.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I wanted to thank you for the comment you left on my introduction! I'm so happy to hear that you know a bit about the Irish language. The storybook comment you left for me is also highly appreciated! I usually get so nervous when people look into things I've done that much, but your comment made me feel much less embarrassed about it. So thanks and have a great semester!
First of all, thanks for leaving your comment on my blog! I’m glad the Sindbad drawing fit with your mental image of him; since I couldn’t find any pictures on the internet that I felt suited the story, I decided to create one instead. I’m also glad that you found the details the therapist gives for Sindbad appropriate. I wasn’t sure if I had gone a little too wordy – it tends to happen in my writing. And I’m grateful for your critique as well! I hope the infinity symbol is less jarring.
ReplyDeleteKyle, I knew you'd have to be one of the first people I would need to thank. It's so nice to have the perspective of someone who values writing just as much if not more than I do. I consider it as if I had a partner in writing! Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteYour voice when you write is amazing. It really shines through. I read your introduction for your storybook and was immediatly intriguied, The language you use is remarkable and it flows so well. One of my favorite sentences you have is "the tapestry that will form his life will be woven in threads of friendship, betrayal, and love." The metaphor is amazing and I loved the way you wrote it instead of just saying he experienced love and betrayal. You also do a great job in your introduction of foreshadowing to some of the adventures to come in your following stories.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence of your story The Greedy Wyrm sets the scene perfectly. The sapphire waters, the mist-veiled land, frost-kissed shingle... I felt as if I could really imagine this land you created and that I was really there. It starts the story off perfectly because you really get the reader to be a part of Sigurd's journey. You did a great job of breaking up the dialect and allowing it to flow easily. There were some paragraphs that I believe could be combined, as I felt that many times there was a short description that could be combined with the next line. But, that is more of a style thing and up to you, but I thought I would give my opinion of what I noticed as I was reading. The imagery dominates the story and makes it great. I can't wait to see how the adventure for Sigurd continues.
Kyle,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really like the look and the overall aesthetics of your storybook. I think the colors and design go really well with your theme and your use of images is great as well!
Your introduction was really great. Your use of imagery and details were awesome. I'm not sure what it was about your word choices, but it sucked me in right away and not many stories do that. I think you chose an awesome topic and your introduction definitely kept me reading.
The first story was also awesome. I can't get over how much imagery and detail go into your stories. Again, I am just sucked in by your word choices, which makes your writing really interesting to me. This was a really gory story but I liked that you changed the location to fit more into your overall story.
Your second story was also really great (I just can't rave about your writing enough!). I liked that this story was a mixture of two different plot lines. I'm always scared to stray from the original stories too much so I'm glad that you just change what you want to make the story as great as it can be.
Your picture on the home page of the storybook is awesome. It makes me think that this will be a fun and adventurous storybook. However, the colors of the website do not go along with that theme. I know that black and white might be classic or old, but when you think of sea voyages, you think of the different colors of the sunsets on the sea and the shades of green and blue of the water and the bright colors of treasures.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction is very well written and very detailed. I forgot that it was the intro and just expected the story to start. I am guessing that you will stick with the gray everything throughout the site since these pictures also have no color. I understand wanting to make your writing be the thing that is most descriptive, but it just looks like you did not spend any time on your website design or the pictures that you put on it.
Your writing is great, and I think you did a good job of changing up the story to fit in your setting. The author's note was very helpful, and it was cool that you mentioned Tolkien and even gave a link for more information about your source material and how it inspired the Lord of the Rings.
The second story is also very well written. I can't help but picture bugs bunny in a bronze helmet from that opera episode of the looney tunes though. But don't worry, that just makes me like the story even more. The description of Brynhild is great, and it fits how I pictured her when I looked at some of the original stories. The adventure in this one is toned down a bit, even with a a beheading, but I think the tone is appropriate for our main character meeting a woman at the end. Great job overall.
I actually put quite a bit of work into the website design. I played with the design options to make the menu sit differently, added a banner that I spliced together myself, and picked pictures with transparent backgrounds so that they blended smoothly with the background color, a task which takes more time since there aren't a whole lot of pictures with transparent backgrounds that also mesh with the story content. I understand if you don't like the color scheme though. I think it gives the story a... um Norsey feel? When I think of northern locations like Greenland, I think of grey skies and fog hovering over freezing waters, so that's why I thought that grey fit.
ReplyDeleteWow, Kyle! Your storybook is incredible. The layout, design and pictures all fit well into your overall theme and storybook. I really like the banner at the bottom too! It works well with your layout choice and I think you did a great job with the colors and style to fit your stories. I must say your stories are extremely well written. There is so much great detail and description, you really create a clear picture of what is going on in each story.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your second story, "The Greedy Wyrm." It was entertaining and fun to read. You had great imagery about everything that happened and I liked getting to read your author's note, because as I read I wondered if The Hobbit was influenced by these stories. Your black pictures really add to the story, they give this darker more mysterious feel to the story. I like how you really described the characters and how they were feeling, it engages the reader and leaves them curious as to what will happen next.
Overall, I think you did an excellent job with your stories and layout choice. You really know how to create and set up a story that is detailed and interesting. I think you have a talent for writing stories and I look forward to seeing what you do next!
Hey Kyle,
ReplyDeleteI really liked checking out your storybook this week! I can tell that you put a lot of work into your storybook design, layout and story content. You have a really great narrative voice in your stories! It was very easy to follow along in your stories and I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading them.
Your coverage is great! I really liked the bottom banner you added to your coverpage. It gave a really great feel to your storybook overall and I am glad you included it. Also, the picture you included of the man slaying the dragon, or monster, looks super awesome. Great image selection!
You have some really great imagery going on with your stories!
Keep up the good work!
This time, I focused on your second story "The Isle of Fire," and I'm pleased to see how well you continue your description of action in your narratives. I like how you have used the messengers to reveal the truth of Regin's intentions to kill Sigurd. Plus, their timing is impeccable. Not to mention, your use of grammar is finessed. Since your style employs longer sentences with comma use, it would be easier to fall victim to misplaced modifiers. However, you do a great job at avoiding that.
ReplyDeleteHere are some of my minute suggestions:
You mention how the ship is able to sail through the fires that surround Hindfell. You might want to give a reason why Sigurd succeeds in that endeavor. Of course, it might be an assumption that is imbedded within the story.
I might have noticed a small typographical error, but I wanted to check with you to make sure. At the moment of Regin's death, you write, "Huginn and Muninn cackled as they watched Regin's head and corpse tumble to Grani's neck."
Did you mean to say "Grani's deck"? I just wanted to check to make sure.
Other than that, I would say that you should continue to do what you're doing. I'm eager to read what happens next when I get a look at your Storybook next week.
Thanks for the feedback, Jake! Yeah, I meant deck, not neck. Not sure how I missed that. Concerning your other point, I originally wrote a longer version of that whole scene with Grani sailing through the wall of fire, but I didn't include it because of word count limitations. Honestly if it weren't for the threat of going over the 1000 word limit, these stories would contain several more scenes that I feel would help flesh some things out better. In any case, the reason Sigurd is able to pass through the flames is because of his courage. Grani is essentially psychically connected to Sigurd, and will only operate in accordance with his desires and feelings. If he didn't have the courageous heart to plunge into the flames, then Grani would not have sailed into them as it did. At the same time, because Grani is a God-blessed ship, it is able to avoid being physically harmed by the flames. This is pretty much in accordance with the way the source material tells it. In the original tale, Sigurd succeeds in reaching Brynhild because he is brave enough to spur Grani into the fire, and because Grani, being an awesome horse that is of the line of Odin's own steed Sleipnir, obediently rides through the fire.
ReplyDeleteHi Kyle,
ReplyDeleteWhile I totally understand wanting to paint a picture for your readers from the beginning, your first sentence is crazy long! lol. I would consider breaking that up into several sentences.
I thought you did a good job of balancing description and background information in your introduction.
I liked how your introduction switches from talking about Sigurd's present circumstances to his future. But I was a little concerned about who is narrating. Because if Sigurd doesn't yet know the adventures that await him, then who does know?
I also liked how Sigurd is so optimistic and wise. His knowledge of his purpose and desire to be remembered as a great man is very easy to relate to. The way you worded the message from his uncle and the part about an individual's choices gives them a mythical feel.
In your first story, I thought you did a fantastic job of describing the wrym. It could have been a challenge to accurately describe a creature most of us are not familiar with, but you gave all of the necessary imagery.
I thought Regin could have used some description though. I know he only played a small role in the beginning of this story, but it would still be good to tell us what he looks like.
Good job!
Who is narrating in the introduction is a really great question actually, Alissa. There's only so many people in Norse mythology who concern themselves with the futures of mortals after all. I'll say this: the line about the threads and tapestry hints a bit at the nature of the narrator in the introduction.
ReplyDeleteThe coverpage looks nice, even though the site set up was different from all of the others I’ve seen. It confused me for a little bit, but I figured it out and it looks great. The colors are really well done, and the pictures are nice.
ReplyDeleteI love the layout you’ve got going, with the sketched out pictures in black and white shoved in between text. It all looks really nice. I’ve never heard of this guy before, but you did a wonderful job explaining who he is and why he’s out sailing. The intro is getting me really excited for this, so I think your job is done.
Your story writing is incredible. I love the tiny details you add in, things like “like a hauberk of blackened steel” that just add to the setting of it all. Any time you go for descriptions and little trivia that is true to the time and culture of your characters it just adds a depth and richness to the story. The action is well written, the dialog great, and your insights into character and motivation are wonderful. The pictures you chose are also lovely and just add to the whole aesthetic. Every now and then you have an extra word thrown in, but overall the stories are great. Can’t wait to see what the finished project looks like!
Hello again, I’ve got slightly more sleep under my belt this time so hopefully I won’t ramble on quite as bad, ha ha. I was really excited to revisit your storybook this time since I didn’t have the spare time to read on last time. Little sad it hasn’t been finished yet, but I guess that means I’ll just have to check back later.
ReplyDeleteI read through the last two stories you have, and I absolutely love them. The second story is wonderfully paced. It’s a great shift from your first to the third story and connects the both of them beautifully. It also adds in more of Sigurd’s adventures that don’t revolve around Brynhild, which is nice since I assume the last one is going to involve her. Add more flavor to the tale.
The third story is just beautifully done. I really love that it’s from Brynhild’s point of view, and the quick overview does everything you were going for. It also makes Sigurd’s betrayal that much more potent, because you don’t see it coming. We’re right with Brynhild as she finds out that Sigurd has married someone else. As I’m assuming the last story will be a lover’s revenge kind of thing, telling the third story from her point of view also helps to show just why she freaks out even though they only met once two years ago. It gives credit to the story and where it’s going - great job.
Kyle,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment regarding my Storybook. I'm glad you enjoyed my addition of the Hare to the story about the Wolf. Thank you for the encouragement.